I Found Out Semen and Bleach Have the Same Scent, Cleaning. World. Ruined.

I’m a freelancer, which means I work at all hours of the day and night, sometimes early, sometimes late. Not all freelancers do this, nor does this exemplify one, but I do. Basically, this means I come up with some weird thoughts based on what I cooked as my late-night snack whilst writing about real estate, or how cleaning products might smell, as I look up facts about a town.

Work Concentration, the Hardest Part of Freelancing

So, the other night at my usual witching hour, I am having the hardest time concentrating as all I can think of is sex. No, not because it was late at night and there was a mood. It was just me, working away on a deadline, but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that my office just SMELLED. Well, it was distracting enough that I decided I needed to narrow down this culprit scent because I could not concentrate on my work. I do have a sensitive nose, so this may or may not have made a difference, but to me, it was worth it to fix the issue.

A good hour goes by with random whiffs, and I am 99.9% certain no one goes in my office but me, so it was quite frustrating. I do have roommates, but, yeah, they work in restaurants and offices like mine get shunned, so… Eventually, after doing many takes around the room smelling random objects, I realize, it’s just my hand.

Well, that makes it weirder as,

1. I am a clean freak and always wash my hands, and

2. I was also not involved in any extracurricular activities like I thought I was smelling.

P.S.

3. This incident took place in 2019, so prior to EVERYONE thinking hand sanitizer was the key. Yes, I am judging all you people who I know never washed your hands. I will leave that there for now…

So, I go into the bathroom to wash my fingers much more aggressively than the last time I visited to try and rid myself of the offensive scent. It is while in the bathroom though that I notice I left out the new toilet bowl cleaner I’d just bought. The lime rings in my toilet and shower really get to me and I’d needed something “extra strength.” At that point, an epiphany hit me. Bleach.

Bleach doesn’t wash off quite as it should and always tends to linger. It was strong stuff too and did indeed clean away those lime stains. It had been hours though since I’d used it, and I still couldn’t help but think of sex every time I sat down to write, despite the multiple hand washings. The smell continued to invade my space, and I was still unconvinced that that toilet bowl cleaner was the unsexy office lingerer.

So, of course, I had to investigate.

Turns out, bleach and semen are of the same makeup. No, I wasn’t completely crazy. In fact, this was one of the first inquiries that popped up on Google when I typed in “bleach smells like sex.” Other people know this then, and I was never told. Shame.

A Biology Lesson in Sex

Semen transports sperm through the vagina to reach an egg and make a baby. Ok. Made up of mainly proteins and fructose, the harsh acidic nature of the female vagina (Go Girls!) is relatively unreceptive to this calm bodily mixture. In order to make sure the sperm aren’t burned on contact, a healthy ejaculate needs to be of alkaline quality to get past the front gates and onwards to reach an egg. Bleach, of all substances, also happens to be in the alkaline category, which is why, if you actually think about it, they have a similar smell.

Now, I never in my life would have thought of the two like this in the same thought process, but, “Thanks, toilet bowl cleaner.” Though this is a cool nerdy science fact that I did indeed share with my friends, I have an issue:

What does it mean now every time I walk into a public restroom that has that fresh “clean” bleach smell? Also, I mentioned I told my friends… poor my friends.. because they immediately crinkled their noses and talked about hotel rooms. My boyfriend's mother is even a traveling nurse. Yup, despite my hate, but still use of bleach, he had always commented on his love of a “clean” smell after I would get to the bathroom floors. Basically, it boiled down to a long discussion on every public place and how “fresh” I appeared to be. Airports, gas stations, Walmart…. Yeah, if you just got upset, you aren’t the only one!

Now I’m going to have to start asking the matrons at restaurants for cleaning schedules… Or maybe just never use them again.